I miss Ian.

Not that I'm picking favorites or anything. I just miss him in particular. Let me explain.

He and I shared something nobody else really did. We watched the same youtubers, played the same games with the same friends. Now more than ever, I'm realizing how freaking awesome that kid is. For a few years, we fought a lot. Like a lot. Now I have trouble remembering any recent big fight we've had. I kinda like that. And now I'm gone. Right when we were starting to become actual friends.

Alright, I'm gonna talk to you directly now, bud. So listen up.

You get me. We've shared the same room for like seven or eight years. Now I'm alone. I don't have to move your stuff off my bed anymore. I don't have to look for my shirts in your drawers anymore. And I don't haveyou bugging me to use the computer anymore. I never thought I'd say this, but I miss it. I miss you. No one gets my references. No one understands why I make dumb faces. And NO ONE recognizes the Jerma voice.

For twelve bloody years you've been in my life. The most in my life out of everyone in my life, if that makes sense. When you were little you followed me everywhere and copied whatever I did. Now you're starting to go your own way, and I find a part of myself not wanting you to blaze your own path. You were just always there, whether I liked it or not.

And now that you're not here, I've never felt more alone in my room.

I feel likethere's a piece of my life missing. The stuff on my bookshelf isn't mine or yours. The solitary set of drawers holds only my clothes. My hangers only have two jackets, one I brought over and one I bought here. The only indication that I was ever related to you is a little corkboard with a couple family pictures pinned to it. Thomas is on there too.

I bought you something at a swapmeet the other week. Let's hope I don't lose it during the year. I don't think I will.

Keep your head high, kiddo. You've got a lot going for you. I'll even admit that you are, in fact, cuter than me. You little snot rocket. Good luck for whatever you do. Take care of the family while I'm gone.

I miss you so much, but I love you even more.

Duncan.